To: Various different holistic centres in Dublin

To Whom It May Concern:

My friend Martina M O’Connor gave me your contact details and said that you might be able to help me out with my problem. I have been meaning to go to a Holistic centre now for quite some time but was a little hesitant given the sensitive nature of my problem, plus there are so many here in Dublin that its hard to pick one. But once Martina recommended yourselves I felt confident that I found the right centre.

I have been having problems with my hole now for at least 3 years. Seepage and general discomfort are my main complaints but I also have problems with gas, or the overproduction of it at least.

Can I book an appointment at your earliest convenience to come in and get this looked after?

Thanking you in advance,
Kerry-Anne F*****

Reply 1 > From: holistic centre dublin

Dear Kerry Anne

Thank you for contacting me.

You are most welcome to visit me for a treatment. I am presuming from what you have told me that your problems are relative to your digestive and urinary systems (from the description you gave me)

I now work from Killiney. Is it reflexology that you are looking for?

My working hours are from 3pm - 8pm Monday - Friday.

Your initial treatment will involve taking some medical details from you to ascertain what treatment will suit you best.

Let me know when you are available and we can arrange an appointment.

With kind regards

S*** H****

To: To various VHS player Manufacturers

To Whom It May Concern:

My name is Martina Mary O’Connor and I am a proud owner of one of your fine VHS players. Hither to now I’ve had no problem what so ever with your product.

Why am I writing to you then you may ask? Well in the last 5 years since I’ve had the VHS player I’ve bee plagued by my parents EVERY night to plug out the player as they fear it will explode during the night! I keep telling them that this is ridiculous and unnecessary but they don’t listen. They keep hassling me and hassling me until I have to promise them that I’ll plug it out.

As you can imaging I’m pretty miffed at this stage. The only thing I can think of that would ease their fears is if I got a letter of assurance from you stating that there is no fear that the player will explode during the night. If you could do this for me I would be hugely grateful.

While I’m on the subject, are there many cases of VHS players (yours or otherwise) exploding during the night? It’s just sometimes I start to think that maybe my parents might be right. Maybe I need my mind to be put at ease just as much as my parents do.

Yours truly,
Martina Mary O’Connor

Reply 1 > From: Daewoo Electronics

Dear Martina Mary O’Connor,

Thank you for your letter below.

I can confirm that all our products such as TV’s/VCR’s/DVD’s are designed to be left in the standby mode at all times, and they have passed all the industry standard safety certification in this respect. Therefore, it is not necessary to unplug the units from the mains overnight.

I hope this information will put your parents (and yours) mind at ease.

Yours sincerely,

For and on behalf of
Daewoo Electronics Sales UK Ltd

Reply 2 > From: Sony UK

Dear Ms Martina Mary O’Connor

Thank you for your recent e-mail.

I can confirm that Sony United Kingdom Limited manufactures products that conform to industry safety standards, and in the case of this VCR there is a power save mode that can be turned on, which will reduce the power consumption of the VCR to 1.2w when in standby mode. We would therefore not anticipate any problems when leaving this unit in standby overnight

In order to change this please access the ‘Options’ section from the Menu, go down to ‘Power Save’ and then change this to ‘ECO2’.

I hope that this information is of assistance to you.

With Regards

Barry Pollock
For and on Behalf of
Sony United Kingdom Limited

Reply 3 > From: Philips

Dear Ms. O’Connor,

Thank you for your recent e-mail.

With regards to your query we can advise that there is no immediate danger which can come from leaving your VCR plugged in overnight.

You should however in order to make an informed decision be aware that appliances left in standby mode continue to use electricity thus making it more energy efficient to turn off an appliance when it is not in use.

The main factor regarding safety of leaving a VCR on constantly is that the plug, cable, and plug socket are maintained to a high level. As with any electrical appliance increased risk of fire occurs with frayed cable and unsafe plugs.

We trust that the information provided will be of assistance.

Should you require any further information please contact our Customer Care Centre (details below) quoting customer reference number 50-79976737.

Kind regards,
Philips Customer Care

To: The National Parks & Wildlife Service Ireland

To Whom It May Concern:

My name is Martina Mary O’Connor and I’m an avid bird watcher. A question arose at our last meeting of the Kenmare Bird Watching Association (of which I’m the chair person) and I’m hoping you can help us with find out the answer.
What is the correct term to describe more than one Mongoose; the plural of Mongoose if you will?

I would have said its Mongooses and not Mongeese as others in the association maintain. Having investigated this question online I’ve not been able to find out definitely what the correct term is. If you could help me on this id be very grateful, a definition from NPWS would be indisputable.

Also if you could outline the difference, as you understand it, between Tits and Great Tits.

Thanking you in advance
Martina Mary O’Connor ,
S**** B***

Reply > From: The National Parks & Wildlife Service

Ms O’Connor,

The Oxford English Dictionary is quite definitive on this:
“mongoose

• noun (pl. mongooses) a small carnivorous mammal with a long body and tail, native to Africa and Asia.

— ORIGIN Marathi (a central Indian language).”

I have forwarded your other query relating to tits to one of our bird specialists.

Best wishes

F*** M***

***********************
Dr F**** M***
Vertebrate ecologist
National Parks and Wildlife Service
Department of Environment, Heritage and Local Government,
7 Ely Place
Dublin 2
Tel : 353-1-8883290
Fax : 353-1-8883278

Reply 2 > From: The National Parks & Wildlife Service

Martina,

With reference to your query the word Tits is the collective term
referring to the different tit species in Ireland (Coal, Great and Blue)
or elsewhere (Crested, Penduline etc).
Great tit is one of the tit species.

Hope that is the clarification you wanted

Best Wishes

John

RE:Reply > From: Me to The National Parks & Wildlife Service

John,

First of all thank you for your speedy reply.

I’m still rather confused about Tits and Great Tits. Now Halle Berry obviously has Great Tits, fantastic even, but where would that leave the likes of Rachel Stevens or Kat off Eastenders??

Yours in Confusion,
Martina Mary O’Connor

I finally got a fairly comprehensive reply from Johnny Fox’s Pub regarding my initial enquiry about the actual highest pub in Ireland, which we all know is the Top of Coom.

The initial correspondence can be found here, and below is latest reply I received.

Reply > From: Johnnie Fox’s Pub

Dear Susanne;

Thank you for your email question in reference to our advertising campaigns and in specific to our television campaign.
This question has arisen before and was officially investigated in full by the Advertising Standards Authority of Ireland on the 27th January 2003 by their Chief Executive Mr. Edward McCumiskey when we originally launched our television campaign.
Their report stated that we must conform to the requirements of the Code of Advertising Standards and the Code of Sales Promotion Practice which concluded by stating that we had not breached either of these codes or standards therein with our choice of wording used in our television campaigns.

Also our advertising campaigns which are seen in print & television as well as being heard on radio throughout Ireland, the United Kingdom and Europe have each been backed and permitted after being checked thoroughly by each advertising agency or company as they must also conform to legislation.

Susanne above is the official response but please do read on for a more informal response from myself.

The public houses which lay claim to the fame of height are as follows:

Top of Coom
“Highest Pub in Ireland”
Music Sessions on Thur. Nights
Tel. 064-85373

Roundwood Inn
“Highest Pub & the Highest Village in Ireland”
Roundwood
Co.Wicklow
Tel: +353 (0)1 281 8107

The Ponderosa Bar
“Highest Pub in all Ireland”
974 Glenshane Road
Dungiven
Co Derry

Johnnie Fox’s Pub
“The Highest Pub In Ireland”
Glencullen
Co Dublin
Tel: +353 1 2955647

As you can see it is not just one pub making the famous claim, for example the pub in Roundwood lays the claim by default as it is situated in the highest village in Ireland and this is allowed to be claimed in advertising as it is the highest village and they are the highest pub in that village thereby in advertising acceptance by association. Equally the Ponderosa claims height due to their being the highest in Northern Ireland, again this is permitted in their advertising to make the claim. So as you can see fact does not always come in to play within advertising, (for another example, Guinness may state they are the best stout in Ireland” but one would assume that this is a matter of opinion and could not be proven, advertising allows this assumption, equally the “Oldest Pub in Ireland” has many laying claim there also) in fact when I last spoke on live radio with each owner of each of these four venues on a national radio show (which hosted the exact same debate but felt that each pub should give its perspective live on air whilst the other pubs listened in) it was agreed that all laid claim and all did so knowing of the existence of the others claims but no one minded or pursued anything individually in this matter as all agreed that at the end of the day it was all good for business all round, all agreed that it was always a good talking point and sure if we were not all claiming then we would not have ended up on the radio show.

Generally there is a good banter between all on the matter and all that matters to the businesses and the likes of Bord Failte and Dublin Tourism, Tourism Ireland, etc., is that the people frequenting or visiting only once to each venue get what they perceive as being top service and quality and a feeling of traditionalism throughout, I can say with certainty that our customers come here for the overall package, our tradition, our value, our location, our views, our live entertainment, our unique menu, our excellent service, our gold medals and awards of recognition for culinary achievements and so forth, they come for the famous museum like interior, they come for the happy smoking bus, the authentic paraphernalia etc., they come because local Irish people tell each other and guests to come here, not due to our advertising campaigns alone but due to our reputation Susanne.

As for actual heights Susanne, I can be very honest and say that I do not have the facts on the heights of the four individual pubs (of course I do have my own heights) laying the claim nor would I pursue the claims made by any other but if you do get the actual factual heights I would love to see them and where they came from as I am always open to information. As you stated in your letter, that we are the second highest pub in Ireland, and you stated this was fact, I would not be so rude as to presume to argue with you, I would rather say that I do not have your facts or your origin of facts, but, that all aside I would not argue with the public houses in third or fourth place laying claim either, as I said it is all in good taste, good spirit and it is also “permitted in Irish law” by governing bodies over advertising such as ASAI.

If I can be of any further assistance Susanne please do not hesitate in contacting me directly on this or in fact any other matter and I will do my level best to accommodate. I will be away on leave from Thursday evening 24th May until Thursday week.

Kindest regards

F***R***
B***** & M***
Johnnie Fox’s Pub
Glencullen
Dublin Mountains
Ireland
T: +3531 2955647
F: +3531 2958911

To: Various insurance firms in Ireland Follow up to The Bull Run

Dear ***

Firstly I wish to thank you for getting back to me so soon regarding my initial insurance enquiry. It seems that we the Bruff Summer Spraoi committee were a little too forward thinking in our idea of holding a Pamplona style Bull Run through Bruff as part of our Summer Spraoi festival. ****** were one of many insurance firms, both in Ireland and abroad that for different reasons couldn’t commit to covering such an event.

We were left in an un-envious position. Posters, flyers, bunting, advertising and other promotions had all gone ahead promoting the first ever Irish Bull Run. This was done at great cost to the committee but we were hoping to recoup this thought the running of the event via ticket sales, raffles etc.

Having failed to obtain sufficient insurance for out initial event idea we decided to look at alternatives, alternatives that could maybe make use of same groundwork already in place for the Bull Run, thus cutting down on costs such as reprints and new advertising etc. The solution came like a blot of lightning with Munster winning the European Heineken Rugby Cup. Let me explain.

One of Bruff’s most famous natives (as of last Saturday) is John ‘The Bull’ Hayes, Ireland and Munster prop. It was suggested at first as a joke to try and organise an event around John as we could use all the already printed posters, flyers etc advertising The Bull Run. As we thought about it more, the idea became more and more realistic. Subsequently we have contacted John’s family and they are 100% behind the idea of honouring our local hero.

The details have yet to be ironed out but we are stuck with the ‘Bull Run’ strap line and have to organise an event that would meet this description while keeping John himself happy of course. Maybe we could have John run through the village, on his own or with a crowd. We could maybe have a crowd of children running before him dressed in the traditional Bull Run clothes of white shirts and red scarves. As I said the details have yet to be ironed out.

Of course we would need to have insurance cover in place for this event. This is where ****** come in. Would this be an event you would consider covering? How much would cover for said event cost approx?

The date for kick off of the Summer Spraoi is fast approaching so I would like to have this resolved ASAP.

Looking forward to your reply
Regards
Martina Mary O’Connor

Reply > From: COYLE HAMILTON WILLIS LTD

Dear Martina Mary,

Unfortunately, I have asked around the office and there’s nobody in Coyle Hamilton Willis that’ll be able to do anything for you on this matter, we just don’t have a market for it. The only possibilities might be if you contacted Allianz or else Church & General, both of which used to cover things like community games and Father Ted style “Lovely Girls” competitions.

Thanks again for your enquiry.

Kindest regards,

A**** L****
Contact Manager, Business Development

To: Grafton PLC

Dear Boss

U got any Copper wire lying around boss !
I’ll take it off your hands boss !

Please boss
Thanks Boss
Good Luck Boss

Sincerely Yours

Pa B***** (Bare Knuckle Champion New Ross ‘86 through ‘89)

P.S: I also do paintin an’ decoratin

Reply > From: Grafton PLC

None Yet! (Sent May 2006)

To: PaveePoint, Traveller human rights

Dear Sirs

My name is Patrick Joseph Michael Paul Ringo Bentley and I was just wondering how many apples does it take to make a Flagan of cider. It’s just that meself and me neighbor John Paull Jerry Saucepan Quilligan Boss have a bet on it . He is adament that it takes approximately 13 apples but I disaggree I was under the impression that it took at least 24 apples and an old sock.

Please please please can u sort this out for me
God Bless
Pa

Reply > From: PaveePoint

None Yet! (Sent May 06)

To: Johnnie Fox’s Pub, Who Claim to be the Highest Pub in Ireland

To whom it may concern,

I was recently watching TV, RTE1 I think it was when I saw an ad for Johnnie Fox’s Pub. Imagine my surprise when at the end of the ad I heard clear as day “Come to Johnnie Fox’s Pub, the highest pub in Ireland”!

I cannot believe you are still selling yourself, falsely, as the highest pub in Ireland! It has been proven that you are in fact the second highest pub in Ireland, after Top Of Coom in Kerry, FACT! Do you dispute this fact?

I felt compelled to contact the Broadcasting Complaints Commission and inform them of this blatant false advertising, but I said id contact yourselves first and give you a chance to change the ad or at least explain yourselves. I’m sure changing the ad and all advertising with ‘the highest pub in Ireland’ on it to ‘the second highest pub in Ireland’ might be costly and awkward but the truth is the truth and the truth hurts!

I look forward to your reply,
Yours truly,
S**** B***

Reply > From: Johnnie Fox’s Pub

Good Afternoon Susanne,

Thank you for your email dated Tuesday May 23rd 2006.

I have forwarded your email to the relevant person in Johnnie Foxs and they will contact you directly.

Regards,
Diane

To: Frank http://www.geniusone.com/AboutFrank

Dear Frank,

I happened on your blog whilst out blogging.
Blogging is the new thing here in Ireland and I think it’s great.

I see that you are a management consultant; I am hoping you might be able to help me.

I run small sock factory on an island off the west of Ireland. We mostly have children between the ages on 10 and 15 working for us. Anything over 15 and they get a little too squirrelly.

I see by your site that you are very knowledgeable in the world of motivation. I’ve noticed a significant drop in production of late (down to 10,000 socks a day from 25,000 a day) and I put this down to lack of motivation amongst my staff. What advice would you give me in terms of getting morale up again and getting the staff up to scratch again? I’ve tried a number of things including setting them goals and awarding yard time to anyone who reached their goals, but this only worked for a short while.

Any advice you could give me would be great. I’ve ordered you book from Amazon and I hope that along with any advice you can give me personally we will get the ‘Stoca Lan Do Cac LTD’ sock factory back on track ASAP.

Thanking you in advance
Martina Mary O’Connor

P.S.
I’ve sent a box of out latest sock range to you office headquarters as a sign of appreciation for any help you may give.

Reply > From: Frank

No Reply Yet! (Sent April 06)

To: French Embassy Representatives in Ireland

Hiya,

My name is Martina Mary O’Connor and I’m a 25 year old Arts Student from Sligo.
I am in my last year in Trinity College here in Dublin and am looking to arrange employment for when I finish in September.
It’s been a dream of mine to become a language interpreter since I was a very young girl. French is as good a language as any so I thought, why not French!

I would be hugely grateful if you could send me details on any interpreter positions available in the Embassy there, or any advice you have on how I would go about securing employment as a French interpreter would be great.

I can’t actually speak any French but I can shrug my shoulders very well and all my family and friends say I look really really French when I do so. I don’t really like garlic but if it was required I could maybe grow to like it, I’m very determined. I’ve also been working on muttering in low guttural grunts in preparation for my future career as French language interpreter.

Thanking you in Advance
Martina Mary O’Connor

Reply > From: French Embassy

No Reply Yet! (Sent April 06)

To: Various IFA Representatives In Ireland

Hi,

My name is Martina Mary O’Connor and myself and my husband Jack own a small farm just outside Listowel. The farm is just over 80 acres and we have 30 head of cattle at the moment.

I’ve noticing some strange behaviour from our cattle of late and to be quite frank I’m a bit worried. I really think they are up to something. Every time I walk up to them or even past them these days they stop whatever they are doing and just stand there till I leave. It’s like when you walk into a room and suddenly the people in that room stop talking, because obviously they were talking about you! My husband says I’m paranoid but I really think they are plotting my demise.

Is there anything I can do?
Should I be worried or am I, as my husband says, “Losing it”?

Yours in desperation
Martina Mary O’Connor

Reply > From: IFA

No Reply Yet! (Sent April 06)

To: Naked Camera / RTE

To Whom It May Concern

First of all may I say how much I hate your show! I can’t emphasise this point enough, I really do hate your show. But that’s not why I’m writing to you. I’m writing to you to commend you on getting a second series off RTE. This really is some feat considering what a steaming pile of các briste the show actually is. I would really love to know how you managed it, no no really I would!

Regards etc
Martina Mary O’Connor

Reply > From: Naked Camera / RTE

Hi Martina Mary O’Connor,
It was a cash back-hander…

To: Sprout Information Systems Ltd http://www.sprout.ie/

Hiya,

My name is Martina Mary O’Connor and I’m hoping you can help with my sprouts.

You see, my son keeps giving out to me that i never do anything adventurous for dinner but I think he’s wrong. Shur only last week I made my famous sprouts Mexicane; which is sprouts, pinch of chili powder, jar of curry powder, hint of tobasco sauce - well, three bottles actually. Not so much a hint, more a Party Political Broadcast. And a secret ingredient!

Anyway, he says that he is sick of my sprouts Mexicane, he gave me your address and told me to get in contact with your good selves; that you might be able to help me out. So, any recipes or serving suggestions you could give for my sprouts would be greatly appreciated.

Thanking you in advance
Martina Mary O’Connor

Reply > From: Sprout Information Systems Ltd

No Reply Yet! (Sent 28.03.06)

To: Ryan Tubridy, RTE Presenter / C-List Celeb

Dear Ryan,

I’m writing to you on behalf of Black&Decker and we hereby cordially invite you to attend the grand opening of a packet of rashers, which will take place next Tuesday the 28th of March at my house.

Please confirm availability.

Regards
Martina Mary O’Connor

P.S.
Pants are optional.

Reply > From: Ryan Tubridy

No Reply Yet! (Sent 22.03.06)

To: Info / Complaints at RTE

To Whom It May Concern:

I was just watching ‘The View’ on RTE the other night when I spotted Joe Duffy (sans beard) as one of the guests.

I know I am not alone when I say, seeing Joe Duffy without his beard gave me quite a shock! What I want to know is, is this new beardless Joe Duffy going to be permanent fixture or does he intend to grow it back?

I really wish RTE or the Joe Duffy show would keep us the listeners informed of such major changes. Who knows how long I was listening to a beardless Joe Duffy on the Radio, it doesn’t bear thinking about. I mean if I wanted to listen to someone without a beard I would tune in to Pat Kenny, the pox.

Yours in disgust etc
Martina Mary O’Connor

Reply > From: Info / Complaints at RTE

Dear Martina Mary,

Thank you for your e-mail, expressing shock at seeing Joe Duffy on ‘The View’ without his beard.
I have to confess that I have no idea how long Joe has been barefaced, but will forward your e-mail to those in the know for a response to this most serious question.

I am intrigued to know however how one could tell whether a radio broadcaster was hirsute or not from the sound of his or her voice.

With best regard
Nina Ward
RTÉ Information Officer

To: The Garda Press Office

To Whom It May Concern:

I heard recently on the radio (Joe Duffy I think, I love Joe Duffy) that in an effort to free up Garda resources, the 70+ Gardai currently allocated to drive Ministers of State and dignitaries around the place are to be transferred back to normal Garda duty. I for one was delighted to hear this as anything that puts more Gardai on the Beat, in my opinion, is a good thing.

This leaves the question, who’s going to fill the driver positions once vacated by the Gardai? I have a proposal that, I think, will answer this question and perhaps help society in the process. I propose the Government set-up a scheme where by inner-city kids/teenagers with joyriding convictions be taken on and trained with the necessary skill and discipline required to become an official State driver. It’s such a simple idea that it might just work. Most of these kids already have some of the skills required for the position; all they are lacking is the discipline. My son alone has 9 convictions to his name and I fear with his 14th birthday fast approaching that he might hit 15/20 convictions by the time he’s 16, or worse even, he might end up getting locked up.

I’m sure I don’t need to explain to you how such a scheme would be beneficial to my son and kids like him. By taking them off the streets alone it would give them hope, keep them out of trouble and perhaps put them on the right track in life.

Please let me know if my scheme idea is one which the Government or the Gardai would be interested in running.

Regards
Martina Mary O’Connor

Reply > From: Garda Press Office

No Reply Yet! (Sent 21.03.06)

I’ve been noticing a trend in the manner in which people stumble upon the ROT.
At this point I’d like to say that this site is in no way THONG related!!!
There was one email campaign which had a thong theme, but that’s it!!
So all you people who land here expecting a thong related blog, I’m sorry but you’ve come to the wrong place.

Link 1
Link 2
Link 3
Link 4
Link 5

SPAM FROM: project2005@airtelbroadband.in

Dear Sir,

We got your reference from Internet White Pages. We represent an
investment Bank in UK. We provide the following services:-

* Arrange Project finance, Short Term Finance for profitable projects.
* Project funding with and without collateral (against Insurance wrap).
* We arrange insurance guarantee also.

We do not charge any upfront fee.
Client will be dealing directly with bank.

For more information, please feel free to contact us.

Thanks
Regards
Dennis

Reply > From: ME

Dear Dennis,

I am intrigued by your services. It just so happens that I am looking for a new investment bank to look after my portfolio. However I have few questions before I can commit to giving you my business.

1. Do you like Carrots?
2. If not, why not?

Regards
Captain Sausages McGinty

RE: Reply >> FROM: giri2004@gmail.com

Dear Ginty,

Thanks for your mail. I will get back to you Immediately

Thanks
Best Regards
Dennis

To: Various insurance firms in Ireland

Hi,

My name is Martina Mary O’Connor and I’m writing to you on behalf of the Bruff Summer Spraoi Committee. This year is the fist year of what we hope will be an annual event attracting hundreds if not thousands of people to Bruff every summer. The Bruff Summer Spraoi consists of an action packed two weeks of family fun held during mid August.

We decided from the outset that this festival would be different form other summer festivals run all over Ireland every summer. To this end we decided to run a number of high profile events that would make it stand out from the pack. These events range from caber tossing to cheese rolling to thumb wrestling, but show piece of the entire festival will be the first ever running of the bulls through Bruff town centre on the second Saturday of the festival.

Obviously we must have adequate insurance in place to cover this event. The rest of the festival events are insured with a local reseller here in Bruff but unfortunately they were unable to offer cover for an event of the size of the Bull Run. This is why I’m writing to your good selves, amongst others, enquiring exactly how much insurance for such an event would cost?

We haven’t gone into this with our eyes closed. We have been in close contact with the organisers of the Pamplona Bull run and have even travelled to Spain to see how they manage it over there; we also hope to have a delegation over from Pamplona to oversee the whole affair.

The Bruff Summer Spraoi Committee have been in close contact with the Gardai and Bruff Town Council through the entire planning process. Both seem happy for the event to go ahead and are as excited as we are that such an event (first of its kind in Ireland) should be held in Bruff. There are a few minor details yet to be ironed out with the Gardai in terms of their action plan for the event but we would like to have concrete insurance sorted out before our next sit down with the Gardai and Town Council. One contentious issue which yourselves might be able to help us out with is the use of Bulls versus the use of Cows. Ideally we would like to use Bulls as we want the event to be as exciting and authentic as possible, but if it means we have to use Cows in order to obtain insurance we are willing to make this sacrifice.

We want to have insurance sorted out as a mater of urgency and hope that we can do business with your good selves.

Thanking you in advance
Martina Mary O’Connor

Reply 1 > From: Royal & SunAlliance Ireland

Dear Ms O’Connor

This is not something we would quote for as a standalone.

Regards

J*** M*****
Liability Portfolio Manager
Royal & SunAlliance Ireland

RE: Reply >> To: Royal & SunAlliance Ireland

Dear Mr. Manning

I know at first glance this looks like a non-runner in terms of Insurance. But, we are willing to do anything and everything required to make this dream a reality.

Is there anything you can do?

We are willing to place whatever restrictions you require on the event in order for it to be covered by insurance. We could place small cushions on the Bull’s horns or maybe even file them down. If it’s a case that using Bulls is too dangerous we (as previously stated) are willing to use Cows in their place. We of course would have to mock up the Cows to look like bulls, this is a minor issue as we have a very active art department and fake horns etc should not be a problem.

Again, I think an event like this will focus the world’s media on Bruff and put it back on the tourist map once more.

What do you say? Can we work something out?

Yours in desperation
Martina Mary O’Connor
Bruff Summer Spraoi Committee Events Manager

RE: RE: Reply >>> From: Royal & SunAlliance Ireland

Dear Ms O’Connor

I regret we are not in position to quote.

Perhaps Allianz might be of assistance?

Kind Regards

J**** M******
Liability Portfolio Manager
Royal & SunAlliance Ireland

Reply 2 > From: Coyle Hamilton Willis

Dear Martina Mary,

Unfortunately, this is not something we do. You could contact Allianz in Limerick and they may be able to help you.

Thanks for your enquiry.

Kind regards,

Marian

Reply 3 > From: Royal & SunAlliance

Dear Ms. O’Connor,

Thank you for your e-mail of 9/3/06.

Unfortunately, this event is not something for which Royal & SunAlliance would be willing to quote.

I suggest that you contact an insurance broker who would be in a better position to source the appropriate insurance for this event.
If it’s any assistance to you there is a Broker Search facility on our site which provides a list of insurance brokers (members of the Irish Brokers Association) listed by county.

Wishing you and the Committee every success with the Bruff Summer Spraoi.

Regards,
G**** H****
Enterprise Underwriter
Royal & SunAlliance

To: The Arts Council of Ireland

To Whom It May Concern:

I would like to know how I would go about attaining funding for a stage project I wish to undertake in the upcoming year, that project being an all nude stage adaptation of Lady Chatterley’s Lover.

It’s a project I’ve been meaning to tackle for some time now but have not been able to fully commit, until now. I have garnered support form some high profile Irish Theatre bodies and have gone so far as acquiring(provisionally) the services of Victoria Smurfit to play the main protagonist (Constance Reid/ Lady Chatterley). I have also had positive reaction from other well known screen personalities who have genuine interest I playing the remaining parts. I don’t really want to divulge names at this juncture but let’s just say the FELLA who I have line up to Oliver Mellors is no stranger to this FAIR CITY!

Any details or instructions you could give me on how to go about obtaining funding to get this project off the ground would be great. I’m hoping to begin casting by mid summer and be in full production by Christmas, with a premier date sometime after Christmas.

I’m really excited about this project as I think is going to be the first of its kind, in Ireland at least.

Thanks in advance
Martina Mary O’Connor

Reply 1 > From: Arts Council of Ireland

Dear Martina,

I am afraid you are too late for funding for 2006. The Arts Council’s funding ‘products’ relevant to theatre productions, Revenue, Special Projects and Once-off Production funding, are all set up to provide support in the year prior to the activity taking place. The schemes that will take place this year are all to support productions or other activities taking place in 2007.

Those application deadlines have not yet been set but are likely to be late summer to the autumn and all operate under open application submission policies and all are highly competitive.

All best,
**** **** ****
Theatre Specialist

Reply 2 > From: Arts Council of Ireland

Dear Martina,

Thank you for your email. The Awards that the Arts Council are currently offering are:

Travel and Mobility- Closing date- Ongoing
Professional Development and Training Award- Closing date- 28th April.

For further information on theses awards please click on the following
link: http://www.artscouncil.ie/funding/docs/awards06_info.pdf

In June we will be announcing deadlines and criteria for Projects, Commissions and Schemes. These awards are currently being reviewed by the Arts Council. I would recommend contacting the Arts Council in June for further information on criteria and eligibility. I would also advise signing up to our email newsletters to keep you up to date on the Arts Council policies and information.

You could also contact your Local Authority to see if they offer any type of funding/advice.

Please do not hesitate to contact me with any further queries.

Kind regards,
L**** D****.